The leak I thought I fixed? I didn't. Mattress ruined. Pillows ruined. Sealed skylight again. Going to the laundromat to wash bedclothes.
Kicked out the coqui frogs. Again.
Mosquito coil going.
Lily peering out the door at what was once a pathway and cleared yard.
So many things I didn't understand about the jungle.
I want two things. One, to chuck it all and never look back. And two, to stay in the joy of loving it here. I want the latter more than the former.
But the fear. Oh the fear. Of failure. Of inadequacy. Of all the voices I can hear out their who say what I'm doing I can't do. I feel the pressure of that a lot. And I feel what's beneath it which is to have an easier life. To quit the struggle.
And then I'm here. Knowing more than anything that if I want this, I've got this. Also knowing that whatever story I choose to give my attention to is the one that will win.
Resistance to the situation is what causes the pain. It's time to go all zen and shit.