Us

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I'm not unique.

unique

Everyone goes through shit.

I just do it publicly.

Why?

Because I can. Because I'm a healer. Because I'm a catalyst, an adventurer, and a chaos tamer. Because I'm trickster.

And because I suffered alone with my pain for too many years, and contemplated leaving the planet too many times to count.

And because I made it out alive.

And because I know there are millions of people suffering through the darkness, feeling alone and uniquely broken, and I want you to know that you aren't. Alone. Or broken.

I say out loud what's really happening because we belong together. Because we aren't seven billion uniquely separate psyches, but rather One living organism struggling under the illusion of separation.

We aren't meant to be you and me. We are meant to be us.

Species don't compete to survive. They cooperate and evolve and adapt to survive. The world isn't a static place.

It's only us humans who believe differently. It's us humans who've taken ourselves out of of the cycle of life and created a hierarchy, a pyramid instead of a chalice, and it's that which now threatens our existence. It's why depression is pandemic.

I've gone through the Fire many times. Most of my life has been spent doing things I've been told I couldn't, or shouldn't do but what I've gone ahead and done. I had to.

I've taken huge risks. I wanted to see what I was made of. When I was a kid I WANTED to be sent to one of those wilderness rehab camps for teens. (Btw, I think that's at least part of the answer to this recent chapter in the rainforest).

I traveled, seeking, in order to challenge my demons, because I carried this vision of myself as an enormous tree beating itself against the planet to knock away the muddy demons that were clinging to its roots.

To me this seemed like the shortest and most lasting solution to the depression I lived in at the time. I kept my demons hidden behind closed doors. I took risks and had adventures, I played hard at having fun because I knew when I went home at night I'd find my demons vigilantly waiting for me.

I say this all out loud because I want you to come out of this alive too. I share my mistakes and my shaken confidence out loud because most people suffer in silence. Too many times I've heard someone ask after a loved one has taken their life, "why didn't they say something?"

You don't speak because you can't see a solution. You can't see a solution because you feel uniquely broken and beyond help.

You aren't alone. You aren't broken. You're amazing. You've made it this far. Don't give up right before you win. Let's talk.

Let's stop pretending we're alone.

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Corey is a Catalyst, an Alchemist, and a Chaos Tamer.

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3 Responses

  1. Angela Roberts

    Thank you for living out loud! OMG, I love that about you and it soothes the teenager in me to hear this story.
    I love all the things you write and in this piece, this stood out:
    “I took risks and had adventures, I played hard at having fun because I knew when I went home at night I’d find my demons vigilantly waiting for me.”

    With you saying this I realize that I was doing something very similar. I was Wild and Edgy, yet so tender and shattered all thru High School after I was raped. Well, I concluded I didn’t matter long before that so you know what that calls in!
    Breaking all the rules hangin’ in the punk scene with my double mohawk and combat boots. People were scared of me in high school but I was soooo tender inside, I just about fainted when a tough girl asked me to join a fist fight I had nothing to do with. I had a rage but not for hurting people who hadn’t hurt me.
    I just knew that many of the punks around me were shattered also, we had a connection in our darkness. And I love that Rebellion against any system or thing that tries to subdue me or steal my freedom and power. I kept going out searching, opening all the doors of the unknown or forbidden-hoping that I would open a door that would end my pain! Thank God that’s over and I know I’m not alone.
    Thank you for being the courageous woman you are, raw and gorgeous and real, priceless! I bask in the beautiful and loving light that’s risen from your darkest times!

    • Angie you’re such an amazing woman. I’m blessed and grateful to call you my friend. You’re courageous and insightful and I so appreciate what you’ve shared here. It means everything to me that words from my heart touched you. I love you

    • Angie you’re such an amazing woman. I’m blessed and grateful to call you my friend. You’re courageous and insightful and I so appreciate what you’ve shared here. It means everything to me that words from my heart touched you. I love you

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