What a day!
Started out rough and got rougher. I am woman, hear me roar, and roar I did! Mostly at my friend, Mitchel, who took it in turns to lecture me about managing people, then hugging me and telling me I'm okay and I've got this. And Laura, who never lectures, just responds with a clear and calm head.
I listened to them both. I yelled. I cried. I had a bitching pity party. It was hot. I hurt. I was frustrated, irritated, and overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I've taken on, all by myself.
I'm so not all by myself though!
I mean, true, at the end of the day, my decisions are mine alone to make, about everything: Frankie, Lily, my tiny, basically fun but useless car, finding a place to charge my phone and iPad so I can write these delightful missives for you, getting water turned on, no facilities (yet), discovering my tent was on a nest of fire ants (taken care of now), drying wet clothes, drawing blueprints for the foundation, buying the supplies for said foundation, brushing my teeth somewhere, trying to eat healthy when there's no fridge hooked up yet because I've no way to get my generator here (useless car) and when I do I've no place to put it safely (yet), setting work tasks and training people how to do what I've only just learned myself, wanting to tear out my hair every time I look around at all the piles and piles and piles of tree trunks, and attempting to clear the clutter in my tent so I don't feel like I'm living in a hovel...
All mine to make.
But, I'm not alone! Laura listens to me, no matter what mood I'm in, with such love and friendship and lack of judgment. Mitchel has dried wet clothes, gets me coffee, takes me to the transfer station, and gives wise and sometimes wise ass, but useful and necessary advice. Even Joe and Angie, who I was set to give the boot to, took their come to Jesus moment this evening from an angry me, and have recommitted themselves to this project. Then there's all those who've physically helped in so many ways over these last few months just to get us this far. Whether or not it worked out in the end isn't the point. It worked while it worked.
Then there's all of you. I get private and public messages of support EVERY SINGLE DAY for this crazy leap I've taken. I get advice and I get cheerleading, and smiles and hearts and much encouragement. So thank you thank you thank you, for listening when I rant, and when I'm happy, and when I'm crying or laughing or whatever.
I learned a lot today, and this week. Cause yeah, it's only been a week. I learned that people need structure, and explicit directions, sometimes multiple times. I learned to be sterner. This is almost funny because it's not the first time I've managed people, or been the boss. Sure felt like it. Shrug. New circumstances, new parameters. I rose to the occasion, kicking and screaming, but I'm still standing. Maybe even a little straighter.
It all works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, then it ain't the end. This, for damn straight, is not the end.