A dear friend of mine, who's had my back through many of my adventures, recently sent me this message:
"You are the dreamer. The Master (mistress) of the dream. Others may step in, with your permission, and you will share the vision. You get to delegate until you are sure the can be trusted to bring the vision full circle with you. You get to choose."
I appreciate the wisdom in her words because this is a lot of work. I get tired. I wonder why I'm doing it. Then I think of the alternative which is just wishing I'd done it...
Sometimes I comfort myself with the knowledge that I don't have to do this, that I can quit anytime. Like I'd do that. Ha.
Right now pretty much everyone else can see what I can't, which is this intentional community, which until recently was only a figment of my imagination, is becoming a reality.
That's one reality. Another parallel reality is the daily ups and downs of navigating the people, places, and things that are part of the hands on learning curve of the whole thing.
Each day has become a meditative practice in surrender, leadership, flexibility, boundary setting, and self care.
Except. I don't want to manage people. I want to be a part of a greater whole, that's why I'm doing this! But, as someone pointed out to me last year just as this was about to begin, it's my vision, so, at least in the beginning, I'm gonna have to be in charge.
Moving on to the more tangible stuff, like learning how to build a foundation, getting electricity, the ongoing land clearing, and putting in some sort of plumbing. Again, steep learning curve. I'm doing it though and was thrilled to discover that my street has running water. This is like hitting the jackpot in an area of Hawaii where, unless you live in town, everything is off grid. It means I can check "build catchment," off of my long list of things to do, and replace it with "buy a hose."
That covers the emotional, and the physical, leaving just the monetary. Just. Lol.
Today I got to spend three hours working on my oracle deck, Meeting the Mentor: conversations with Pele. As it gets nearer to completion I find myself wondering, what if it doesn't sell? Like, as if. Lol.
Never a person to do things by the halves, of course I'm feeling stretched. Of course I get edgy. Of course my issues are being triggered. What a grand opportunity, right?
An FYI for the future, this is it guys. This is the leap of all leaps, and good enough to satisfy even my thirst for adventure. From here on out its hammocks, sunbathing, writing books, and offering kick back retreats where the learning curve is something I'll be offering others for a change.